So in my first entry of "Strange Pokédex Entries," here are five Pokémon for you to shake your head at:
Drifloon"These Pokémon are called the 'Signpost for Wandering Spirits.' Children holding them sometimes vanish."
It looks cute right? Well maybe not; maybe it just looks like the creative team ran out of ideas. Anyway, whatever you think of Drifloon, it's appearance is deceiving. This balloon's multiple editions of Pokédex entries imply it wants to steal children away. It makes me wonder though…what the hell does it do with them?
Spoink"Using its tail like a spring, it keeps its heart beating by bouncing constantly. If it stops, it dies."
The wording varies depending on which game you look at, but the harsh reality for this cute little…pig…slinky…thing is that if it doesn't stop bouncing 24/7, then its heart will stop and it will die. I mean, what a horrible concept! This may just be the most depressing existence for a Pokémon ever. Does it sleep when it bounces? What happens if it faints?! I don't know, but I'm glad it looses this trait when it evolves.
Parasect"A host-parasite pair in which the parasite mushroom has taken over the host bug. Prefers damp places."
Well damn! I guess you can't really say Paras evolved as much as it was taken over by the mushroom parasite. I suppose it explains the lack of pupils in the eyes and creepy look of Parasect. What a crappy existence for Paras. I'd feel bad if I ever evolved one now. Lucky for me, though, I don't raise useless Pokémon.
Cubone"Wears the skull of its deceased mother. Its cries echo inside the skull and come out as a sad melody."
As depressing as that is, something really doesn't add up. So am I meant to believe that every Cubone is a goddamn orphan? I understand Team Rocket killed the one Cubone's mother in the original Red & Blue games. Either way, it's a very odd entry and I could poke holes in it all day. But damn, I guess it earned its title as the "Lonely Pokémon." This entry may have to go down as the saddest.
Raichu"Its electric charges can reach even 100,000 volts. Careless contact can cause even an Indian elephant to faint."
When the hell is a Raichu and a goddamn ELEPHANT from an entirely different world going to accidentally make friggin' contact!?
"Whoa, sorry there, Mr. Elephant! Didn't mean to shock you." So goddamn stupid….
Well that's it for my first five of Strange Pokédex entries. Let me know your favorite strange entries and check back for more.
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