Fanboys Anonymous

Hello fellow readers, and welcome to another one of my many, many rants here at Fanboys Anonymous. Last time I had a good rant, it was EA's fault. This time it's Microsoft's.

CAUTION: BAD LANGUAGE

So it happened I have updated to Windows 8.1, and let me tell ya, it was the biggest pain in the arse I have ever experienced. I will not be updating to Windows 8.2 even if Microsoft paid me to.

There I was, chatting to mates about trivial things, minding my own business, when I get a random pop-up from the Windows shop app saying that I can update to Windows 8.1 FOR FREE. I tried to ignore this pop-up, but it would not go away. I couldn't finish my conversation on Facebook. I tried going into Windows Task Manager and nothing would work [goddamn it].  I was forced to click "OK." I didn't want this update; they forced it onto me. But anyhoo.

Then I get another pop-up saying that I can still work on my PC while it's downloading—which, to be fair, it did. After about ten minutes went by, my whole system restarted itself out of nowhere. I was all, "OK, cool, no worries, let this install." It did install pretty quickly, to my surprise, until it hit 82%. It took two and half episodes of American Dad later to get to 83%. I don't have a lot of patience, so for me this took the piss.


Then, we have another restart. My god, how many of these do I actually need? This time it was installing new Microsoft apps that I didn't want on my PC. Again, this took a lifetime and froze around the 72% mark.

When I was finally greeted with my sign-in screen, I had to do a fucking security check. I swear to God, if I have to do this every day (like I had to do with my Xbox), then it will be joining my Xbox up for sale.

I logged on and to my horror, all my tiles had been moved into different places. Goddamn you, Microsoft!

I am very anal when it comes to familiarity. In other words, I fucking hate change. So it's taken me most of the night to get all my tiles back in the right place, even though some tiles still look odd.

Not to mention, I lost my Skype mute button, but that was probably Skype's fault and not Windows 8.1—but Skype's a Microsoft product anyway, isn't it? Goddamn you, Microsoft!

What was the update, you ask? For a motherfucking Windows button that takes you from the desktop to the tiles page. You could do that by pressing the Windows button on the keyboard. I have said it numerous times already, but goddamn you, Microsoft.

If you have had grievances in the past with a Windows base product, like I have, please vent and let me know in the comments below.