Fanboys Anonymous

This one's for my "adult-aged" sci-fi readers. Recently I was given the opportunity to review the work of Nicola Cuti, author of the Moonie series. Actually, I admit, it was a bit by mistake, really. It would seem that dropping an all-encompassing blog call for any and all material in the sci-fi and fantasy genres, with no real stipulation as to style and content, is a boo-boo for reviewers. When you expect sci-fi and end up with skin-fi, however, hindsight is 20/20—because the Moonie series is just that: skin-fi.


Moonie vs the Spider Queen

The first book, Moonie vs. the Spider Queen, essentially follows a couple of spacecraft owners, one of whom is clever and witty and the other has just a mite more character and heart, and is the best in the series I've read yet. It begins with our captain nonchalantly spilling his guts about what he likes sexually, how he got his ship, and what he thinks of others. The man is all play, only cares about what he wants, and will do anything to earn a buck or gain a possession, even a living one.

Quite plainly, the man's narration through the beginning of the story is hilarious. It has a very "men in the warehouse break room" feel to it, which is probably what sells the book from the get-go. If you've ever read Catcher in the Rye then you know what I'm talking about when I say this book is the equivalent of Dirty Adult Sci-Fi Catcher in the Rye with a doubly-strong sexual overload.

Eventually, the space travelers stumble across something they couldn't possibly expect to find in the deep—a woman—and she isn't wearing a spacesuit of any kind. Such a preposterous insertion is exactly what a story needs to give it a very 1950s sci-fi feel, and that's exactly what Nicola Cuti did. The young Moonie, a disproportionally large-breasted woman, was biologically crafted from protoplasm and therefore lives on radiation/energy of any kind alone. That's why she needs to have as much skin showing as possible at all times, and it's also the reason she doesn't need air to breathe or food to eat.

The three find themselves on another planet where arachnids roam. There's also one giant woman, the leader of an immense people who are enemies of the spiders. It's hard to say which will be the more ferocious, but escaping with their lives, at best, will be near impossible.

Before getting into this read too much, I'd like to make mention of the slight rule change I've added to my book review page:

I will be accepting submissions that have sexual innuendos, sexual content, or language; however, because of a recent submission, I'm making known now that if the content of your book is namely for sexplay purposes, sex fantasy, or sexual sci-fi, or if the entire dialogue tends to have strong sexual weight and then leads into multiple sexual scenarios or scenes, I won't review it. If an author chooses to send me his (<--'Cuz let's face it, these ridiculous genres are owned namely by the bulkier sex), it will not get reviewed. Recap: Sex? Maybe. Porn? No thanks.

Having said that, I'm going to continue by saying I really did enjoy book 1 in the series. Personally, I thought the story would have been better if it didn't jump from perspective to perspective. I didn't feel like the personalities were identifiable enough between them, especially for shifting from point of view to point of view. However, a first impression is hard to forget, especially when it's as strong as the one I got from this read in the first 30–40 pages. If only it had lacked the strong sexual content, it would probably make a pretty decent book.

Moonie in the Slave Market of Opuul

The second book in the series, Moonie in the Slave Market of Opuul, begins with the scantily clad young lady meeting a young shape-shifting woman who is able to shift from seal in water to human on land. Needless to say, it's a very "seductive" meeting. The two become friends.

Down the road, Moonie and the shape-shifter run into a redheaded pirate, and then they run into another young woman with octopus tentacle-like arms. There are four girls, all with weird talents that the author apparently thought might make for a "sexy story." The four are captured and forced into slavery, but they break out and join a galactic policing force to end the exploitation and evil that occurred to them as slaves.

By the time I read this far into the book, I was a bit fed up. I really didn't enjoy this book. I didn't enjoy the beginning, I didn't enjoy the middle, and I hated the end. It seemed to be made of air, really. I always try to give my authors the benefit of the doubt, but this one was a major upset, save for an interesting biological research lab and some of the concoctions the scientists inside were responsible for. My feeling is that it was purely written to satisfy the porn readers. Enough said.

Too Many Moons

Before starting Too Many Moons, I had some trepidation. Book 2 was a nightmare in my opinion, but three opens, once again, with a character I could really appreciate. He's an older ship's captain who doesn't care much for anything or anyone, and he's not afraid to say so or do something about it. In fact, he opens up the story by explaining the pickle he's in: Another man is trying to skip town without paying him for his fuel. The captain is forced to take him out, which may or may not mean his arrest and maybe even his execution.

At some point, the captain also makes the acquaintance of a very personable robot—one by the name of Moonie, a sexual cyborg fashioned after Moonie. She's not like other robots; she's almost human, or star babe...whichever.

There is also a young, oddly colored, spotted princess (the employer of the dead man) who uses the situation as an opportunity to get something out of the captain. He needs witnesses saying he's not guilty of murder, and she needs a captain to pilot her ship now that her hotheaded pilot is dead. Half against his will, our hero travels with the princess across the universe to try and recover her planet's stolen national heirlooms.

When this was the story I was reading, I didn't super love it, but I didn't hate it. About 70 or so pages in, however, the book entirely flips the script. The captain goes in search of the real Moonie. Somehow, another mission, apparently more important and worth much more money pops up, and the captain, plus his crew, embark on yet another journey.

I decided to put the series away for awhile after this book. I knew it namely existed to appeal to the penis, while incorporating a fun sci-fi/fantasy story, but it's seemingly just not my cup. Also, I was pretty sure I knew just about every word there was for the vagina, but it would appear that Nicola Cuti knows more. Even so, he tends to use the same words over and over to describe it. I think that's probably a complication derived from overuse of the sexual situation. So far, save for the first book, the sex has been hard to overlook because the stories were so terrible.

I took the liberty of editing all three books and replacing most of the nouns with much less dirty words. I even took the liberty of editing the nude comic pictures inside, which I will post in "Nicola Cuti's Moonie Part 2." Let me know what you think downstairs!