Fanboys Anonymous

Welcome to another edition of Wed, Bed, or Dead—the Fanboys Anonymous equivalent to games such as Marry/Fuck/Kill, or "Kill, Bang, Marry" or any of those other alternative names with the same "would you rather" ranking concept.

If you're unfamiliar with these games, here are the rules: three men or women will be pitted against each other and you are forced to place each of them into a specific category of your choosing. You cannot double up on any category, replace people, or anything else. You must pick one to "Wed" (marry), one to "Bed" (have sex with), and for "Dead" (kill)—in theory, of course.



There are 4 female leads in the film Suicide Squad, so to do this, we had to remove one of them. Amanda Waller didn't make the cut because she is the manipulator of the bunch, rather than being on the team (even though Enchantress is the primary villain of the film rather than a teammate, her human counterpart was still a member of Task Force X).

For those who are unaware with the characters, Enchantress is an ancient witch who possesses Dr. June Moon, played by actress/model Cara Delevingne. Harley Quinn is The Joker's psychotic girlfriend —a former shrink (Dr. Harleen Quinzel) gone mad, played by Margot Robbie. Lastly, Katana is Tatsu Yamashiro—a samurai who can trap the souls of the people she kills inside her sword, played by Karen Fukuhara.


As attractive as Cara Delevingne is, she's possessed by a freaking witch. I'll admit that there was something eerily sexy about her when she was in Enchantress-mode, but she's still a creepazoid who really needs to take a shower, so you have to rule out the Wed option right off the start and narrow it down to Bed or Dead. Considering how the other two are somehow less villainous and won't convert you into a faceless goop of a creature, she has to be killed.

That same factor goes into why Katana gets the "marry" equivalent while Harley is just a one night stand. All three women are incredible when it comes to their appearances, although I'd give the edge to Margot Robbie as being the most attractive. She's a lunatic, though, while Katana isn't. Harley would likely be amazing in bed and then you'd have to skip town and hope she never tracks you down. Katana, on the other hand, while being more reserved, is still extremely good looking and on top of that, is still super loyal to her husband despite him being just a deceased soul residing in her weapon. That's dedication right there. Without a doubt, Katana makes the best wife of the three of them, Harley has her issues but is the most fun and overall the hottest, and Enchantress, albeit a beautiful girl, has far too much baggage weighing her down.