Fanboys Anonymous

Welcome to another edition of 6 Flicks Picks, wherein I list all of the upcoming films that are scheduled to be released in the United States for the month which is about to begin and break down which ones I'll be watching in theaters, which ones I'll wait to rent at home, and which ones I'll be skipping out on entirely. After going through the list, I'll choose which six films stand out to me as the ones I want to see the most, even if there are more or less than six that interest me.

Note: The list below is based primarily off the expanded nationwide USA release dates on IMDB as well as some other random outlets if possible, so some information may be different. If I am missing some of the limited releases or the dates conflict in some fashion, please let me know in the comments below and any adjustments and corrections will be made!

Without further ado, another new month means another new set of films, so what's coming soon to theaters in January 2017?



Underworld: Blood Wars

Synopsis: Vampire death dealer, Selene (Kate Beckinsale) fights to end the eternal war between the Lycan clan and the Vampire faction that betrayed her.

Will I watch? = No

Amityville: The Awakening

Synopsis: A single mother moves her three children into a haunted house, unaware of its bloody history.

Will I watch? = No

A Monster Calls

Synopsis: A boy seeks the help of a tree monster to cope with his single mom's terminal illness.

Will I watch? = Yes

I, Daniel Blake

Synopsis: A middle aged carpenter who requires state welfare after injuring himself is joined by a single mother in a similar scenario.

Will I watch? = No


Monster Trucks

Synopsis: Looking for any way to get away from the life and town he was born into, Tripp (Lucas Till), a high school senior, builds a Monster Truck from bits and pieces of scrapped cars. After an accident at a nearby oil-drilling site displaces a strange and subterranean creature with a taste and a talent for speed, Tripp may have just found the key to getting out of town and a most unlikely friend.

Will I watch? = No

The Bye Bye Man

Synopsis: Three friends stumble upon the horrific origins of the Bye Bye Man, a mysterious figure they discover is the root cause of the evil behind man's most unspeakable acts.

Will I watch? = No

Sleepless

Synopsis: A cop with a connection to the criminal underworld scours a nightclub in search of his kidnapped son.

Will I watch? = Yes/Maybe/No

The Comedian

Synopsis: A look at the life of an aging insult comic.

Will I watch? = Yes/Maybe/No

The Book of Love

Synopsis: Henry is an introverted architect. After the death of his wife in a car accident, he sets out to help Millie, a homeless teen, to build a raft to sail across the Atlantic.

Will I watch? = No


xXx: Return of Xander Cage

Synopsis: Xander Cage is left for dead after an incident, though he secretly returns to action for a new, tough assignment with his handler Augustus Gibbons.

Will I watch? = No

Split

Synopsis: After three girls are kidnapped by a man with 24 duel personalities they must find some of the different personalities that can help them while running away and staying alive from the others.

Will I watch? = Yes

The Founder

Synopsis: The story of McDonald's founder Ray Kroc.

Will I watch? = Maybe

The Resurrection of Gavin Stone

Synopsis: A washed-up former child star, forced to do community service at a local megachurch, pretends to be a Christian to land the part of Jesus in their annual Passion Play, only to discover that the most important role of his life is far from Hollywood.

Will I watch? = No

The Red Turtle

Synopsis: The dialogue-less film follows the major life stages of a castaway on a deserted tropical island populated by turtles, crabs and birds.

Will I watch? = No

Kedi

Synopsis: A profile of an ancient city and its unique people, seen through the eyes of the most mysterious and beloved animal humans have ever known, the Cat.

Will I watch? = No


Resident Evil: The Final Chapter

Synopsis: Picking up immediately after the events in Resident Evil: Retribution, Alice (Milla Jovovich) is the only survivor of what was meant to be humanity's final stand against the undead. Now, she must return to where the nightmare began - The Hive in Raccoon City, where the Umbrella Corporation is gathering its forces for a final strike against the only remaining survivors of the apocalypse.

Will I watch? = No

A Dog's Purpose

Synopsis: A dog looks to discover his purpose in life over the course of several lifetimes and owners.

Will I watch? = No

Bastards

Synopsis: Upon learning that their mother has been lying to them for years about their allegedly deceased father, two fraternal twin brothers hit the road in order to find him.

Will I watch? = No

The Salesman

Synopsis: Forushande (The Salesman) is the story of a couple whose relationship begins to turn sour during their performance of Arthur Miller's Death of a Salesman.

Will I watch? = No

Un Padre No Tan Padre

Synopsis: When Don Servando Villegas (85), a good old fashioned Mexican patriarch gets expelled from his retirement home, his younger son Francisco takes him in. Don Servando is about to find out the truth about his son and his way of living.

Will I watch? = No


Which films make the cut? Well, this month is atrocious and I don't think I'll be seeing a single one of these in theaters.

6. Bastards — January is a dumping ground for films that studios don't think will make much money. This looks like as generic of a comedy as you can get and its placement at the beginning of the year means it probably has no laughs in it. But hey, compared to other movies listed here, I'd rather see a shitty comedy than to see a shitty horror film.

5. The Comedian — I hadn't heard that this was even a thing until I started writing up this article. The cast is the most enticing part for sure, and I'm always rooting for Robert De Niro to get back on track and to have another great movie. Maybe this is it? Either way, if there's some scenes where he and Danny DeVito trade shots, I'm at least somewhat interested.

4. Sleepless — Just as Bastards looks like a generic comedy, this looks like a generic action flick. Just as The Comedian has a great cast, so, too, does this. When you combine those elements, I think I could actually enjoy this for a 2-hour escape even if it might be one of those films I forget I had even seen in a few months. Maybe it's the next Collateral instead of the next...crap...what was that movie I'm thinking of?

3. The Founder — I've purposely not seen any trailers or TV spots for this movie as I have a feeling if I do check previews out, I might not want to see it. Right now, the story of the guy who created McDonald's isn't something I'm craving to check out, but if they attracted Michael Keaton to the project, there might be something worth paying attention to.

2. Split — I'm not a horror film fan, but when I saw a preview for this a few months ago, I wrote it down on my list to remember. The psychological thriller side of scary movies is something I enjoy a lot more than the slasher flicks, which means this has a better chance of being a motion picture I enjoy rather than anything else on the horror spectrum coming out in January. Naturally, I don't expect it to be good so much as interesting, but hey, why not give it a shot, right?

1. A Monster Calls — This is the only movie on the list that I might make it to the theater to actually see, although my interest in it is waning bit by bit. I had hoped that by now, I would have heard rave reviews, yet I haven't, which is making me think there's less to buzz about than originally thought. I'm hoping it's something like Big Fish where it melds the fantasy and coming of age elements together in a dark, but not too depressing tone.